The Rubber Hits the Road: the First Week

Time is a vacuum; it has to be filled.  What I learned this week is that I need to be busy, and the lack of structure formally provided by clinics, consults, bronchoscopies, pages, etc is a challenge.  Other than my wilderness medicine course, I had intentionally not scheduled much for this first month so that I could “recharge my batteries”.  I had forgotten that my favorite vacations are when I am busy – bareboat chartering in the BVI, organizing our family adventure in New Zealand.  I cannot sit around.  I still get up at 6AM, and I expect the day to be filled.  Now I have to fill it, or I feel at loose ends.

Here is how I envisioned my life after leaving formal medicine (from my exercises done from “Your Retirement, Your Way” by A. Bernstein and J. Trauth):

“Five years after retiring, I will be choosing to expend effort on selected projects and tasks that make use of my skills in analyzing, planning, and working with others.  It will utilize my knowledge and experience in public health and medicine, perhaps focusing on tobacco control, but not necessarily.  I will also spend time on personal development in the areas of spirituality, personal health (exercise), and skills in a hobby that fit with my style and interests (possibly boat building or extending my skills in sailing).  I would like to contribute to my community in Vermont through continued work at the IRB, at the Red Cross in platelet donation, at the ALA of VT, and in tobacco control.”

Sounds good, but getting to specifics is harder.  I did spend about 4 hours Monday on IRB related meetings, but that is only 4 hours out of about the 100 hours of useable time in a week.  I also spent time on a sick cat, on grocery shopping, on making dinners and cleaning up, and on writing this blog (and editing it).  I have hiked, weight lifted, read my articles on wilderness medicine, reviewed a couple of protocols, done my wife’s powerpoint, sung in the choir, sailboat raced with a blind sailor at our helm on Wednesday, sailed another time with my wife and daughter, listened to the audio book “Omnivore’s Dilemma” by Michael Pollan in the car wondering if I can do the "local foods" thing, and tried to start a large tome by Karen Armstrong.   However, I am not as efficient or as “productive” as I was as a physician in the hospital.  What a curse to feel that way!

This is a challenge.  I remain convinced that I have no interest in going back to what I was, but I will need to work at providing myself structure in my day.  I suspect that those who know me are not surprised.